NEW YEAR AT FALLS

After a couple of days exploring Melbourne and recovering from Christmas it was time for the next part of our summer (UK winter) adventure. Over the entire Christmas period along the Great Ocean Road there has been one of the worst bush fires in recent years to hit this state. Hundreds of homes had been lost and the fires were still blazing on Christmas Day. The festival is located in the wooded hills near the town of Lorne, which had recently been evacuated due to the fire risk and the Great Ocean Road had been closed. In a monumental effort to save the festival (and to not go bust) Falls managed to dismantle the entire festival site at Lorne (which was ready to go) and move it to the Mount Duneed Estate which is a vineyard / event venue located nearer to Melbourne and out of the fire risk area.

We packed up Vanwell, hit the road and due to the holiday traffic slowly made our way to the site. It took nearly three hours to drive the short distance and queue to get into the camping field but once that was out of the way everything went swimmingly. As we have seen time and time again the Aussies know how to camp. We found it crazy the kind of of high tech gear people own as young folk, some still driving on 'P' plates rocked up in 4X4 utes (pick up truck or utility vehicle) with top of the range fold out tents, awnings, solar panels, speakers and generators. Some had even put false floors in the rear, to smuggle in slabs (beer crates). We felt a bit unprepared in our little van with all this unused space next to us. We pegged a little bit of tarpaulin by the door to try and compete with our neighbours, but it just looked like a budget door mat, plus one of our tent pegs to hold it down was a pen. However whilst everyone spent a good couple of hours building their canvas villages, we popped up the back and made lunch.

As the festival had been dismantled and rebuilt in roughly 48hours, bits of it kept arriving and each day something new would have sprung up. There were two stages, the smaller one in a big top and the main stage at the bottom of a grassy slope which was still being built when we arrived. There was a couple of bars, food trucks all round the edge and a few arty crafty yoga places that people just went to for shade. There was also a surreal place near the entrance called The Village full of cabaret acts, garden games and a few other weird and wonderful things. I have some odd memory of two ugly sister style characters serenading us with ukuleles at some crazy hour, out of a sweet shop stall no bigger than a Punch and Judy stand. Surrounding the festival site was what looked like a massive orchard on one side and a vineyard on the other. Falls is supposed to be one of Australia's biggest festivals with about 16 thousand tickets sold, however the whole site probably could have fitted in front of the main stage at Glastonbury.

When we arrived in the arena there was a bunch of guys in white suits, Hawaiian shirts, sailor hats and aloha ephemera rocking out with drums, guitars, brass and various other instruments. Introducing Mighty Duke and the Lords. They were good fun but a shame they were on so early, a few beers later and we would have been kicking away at the front. 

We spent a lot of time on the first day in the shade of a chilled arty place called Rancho Relaxo. They had a laid back line up of acoustic singer/songwriters. We watched a number of acts into the afternoon, hiding from the scorching sunshine. The stand out one being a lad from Byron bay / Perth called Ziggy Alberts, he sounded very much like Ben Howard or Jack Johnson. He has been traveling around Australia in a van singing and surfing and his latest album was called Land & Sea. I think he must have seen one of our stickers. He was the top end of the surfy, blonde haired acoustic types. Didn't buy the album put may pay it a visit on Spotify.

I don't remember much else that day, we guzzled beer and cider, missed the headline Weird Al Yankovic to befriend our neighbours who invited us to join them for beers and drinking games. They were a great bunch and welcomed us into their camp.

When we went back over to the stages for food and beers there was a DJ set on called FleetMac Wood who had remixed all the old classics. We grabbed some tinnies and had a boogie. It gets a bit hazy after this I think we saw a band called Art vs Science, but I couldn't tell you if they were any good or not.

Most days started the same, cereal at the van, the tricky task of going for a piss before the arena opened. I tell you what, considering many Aussies use the word C**T in every sentence and are big on banter, they are rubbish at going to the toilet. The queue was long and after about ten mins we realised why. Most of the porta-loos were empty. We just walked straight to the front asking why no one was using them, everyone was saying good luck, go ahead and find out... so we did. I tell you what, after India or even Glastonbury they were fine. Unless the toilet was immaculate and didn't have anything in the bowl they wouldn't go, causing massive queues. This was great as it meant we could go when ever we wanted. 

As soon as the sun had risen over the trees at the edge of the campsite, it got too hot to hang out with Vanwell. However most of the other peoples setups included gazebos which gave much needed shade. This didn't bother us, it meant we headed over to the land of music and ice cold beer... (coffee & juice if I'm truthful) however I do kinda miss the days of waking up at a festival having used a beer crate as a pillow, then cracking one open before even brushing my teeth. I must be getting old.

Whilst recuperating from the night before we sat in the beer tent looking down the hill onto the main stage. A band called The Babe Rainbow had just started (great name by the way). They are three guys who work on a vegetable farm in Rainbow Bay up near Fraser Island. They looked and sounded like something out of the sixties / seventies. Long hair, slightly flared trousers, rainbow t-shirts. Their tunes were riding the wave of laid back, lazy guitar melodies that are synonymous with the surf scene, however their lyrics and his voice seemed to be more from the psychedelic Beatles era. Their title track called "Secret Enchanted Broccoli Forest" is pretty special.

The next band couldn't have been more in contrast. The Bennies are described as punk rock doom metal reggae from hell. They had a dedicated fan base and the fragrant smelling smoke wafting through the crowd was definitely not coming from the smoke machine. One song that stuck out was called "Party Machine" even we found ourselves shouting along "Hey mother f**** I'm a party machine, one part party, one part machine".

We spent some time wandering around various side shows and tents. One being a cabaret show by three slightly deranged girls called Miss Friby and her mad artistes. The highlight being an act about a paranoid girl in her late thirties eating chocolate as a substitute for sex. Weird and a little scary.

We headed over to the main stage to catch Dune Rats. Another Australian punk rock band with a massive following. They had just got back from touring the states and had the energy of bands such as Blink 182. They smashed it and got the crowd on their side. One eloquent song about marijuana, that consisted of shouting "Dali Lama, big banana, marijuana" over and over again seemed to be a hit and inspired a lad to jump up on stage, light a joint and pass it round each of the band members. Later another two guys invaded the stage a jumped around a bit. Rather that letting security manhandle them off, the lead singer said "leave them, they can stay as long as they do a SHOEY!!!!" For all you fellow Brits a 'shoey' is when you take off your shoe and proceed to down a full beer out of it. From then on we decided we would stick to flip flops.

Zoe, who had met us in Sydney and shared a beer with us on Xmas eve, arrived on day two around midday and we met her and her fella Danny for a beer while a female singer called Halsey was playing the main stage in the background. We made a few plans to meet for various acts over the next few days. Even though it was ludicrously hot in the days, it got pretty cold at night. Round early evening we would usually head back to check on Vanwell and dig out jackets and woolly hats. This felt a bit weird being in Australia in the middle of summer.

We headed back and watched Wavves a rock / pop band from the states. They were really good, and are actually playing a side show with The Babe Rainbow in Melbourne on Sunday. If we can get this post up in time you should go see them. We grabbed a beer and met Zoe at one of Danny's friends food stalls called Mister Muesli. I'm not sure how I feel about serving muesli at a rock festival but it was a good meeting spot by the main stage. The next band on were an Australian hip hop group called Hilltop Hoods. I first heard them at uni in Falmouth thanks to Tommy and Big Will, their song 'Nosebleed Section' became a Falmouth anthem and is religiously played by me and Tommy when we drive down for a visit. They were awesome with razor sharp lyrics, epic samples and heavy beats. The home crowd went mental to their big hits and knew every word. The Wombats were up next and luckily they played some of the old ones that we knew which was nice of them. We were both pretty smashed by this point, over and out. 

The following day we were both feeling pretty ropey, yet the hot morning sun forced us up and out. We lay and dozed in one of the shade tents listing to various acts come and go on the main stage. 

Eventually we got lunch and headed over to the big top to catch some comedy. The best by far was a chap called Nick Cody who happened to be the compare, a purple muppet character called Randy was also pretty funny. However the guy in the middle literally died on stage and called his slot short. Awkward. 

We stayed for the next act which was a band from London called Oh Wonder which our friend Hany from home had tipped us off about. They were really, kinda like the XX, but with more of a folk edge. Plus their massive light up letters were ace, I had my eye on the giant 'W'.

Over on the main stage Mac Demaco was just starting. Their hazy, beachy sound went well with the afternoon sun and their stage banter was pretty funny. They had a new keyboard player and in one song as there was no keyboard, he just crowd surfed for the whole track. 

Following Mac, we dozed in the shade to Courtney Barnett, an Australian Indy, rock singer who is constantly being played on the radio back in the studio. I think she might be quite big outside of Australia.

As the sun was setting which turned the entire festival pink we headed to the front of the main stage for The Melbourne Ska Orchestra. They were fucking amazing. There must have been fifteen-twenty of them all giving it everything they had creating an explosion of brass, beats and infectious guitar rhythms. We love a bit of ska music as did everyone around us who were having a right good skank. They even did a couple of classic ska covers one being A Message To You Rudey by The Specials.

We had to cut the set short by twenty mins as another local Melbourne band had just started on the other stage. They are called City Calm Down and put on a flawless gig. The leads deep voice and the slightly euphoric yet moody tone sounded very similar to one of our favourite bands The National. They are worth a listen, however not as good.

After the gig the field looked like a zombie invasion as practically the whole festival was headed to the main stage. The band on were called RuFus, three lads from Sydney. After the first couple of tracks that to us sounded like generic dance music we gave up and went to the bar unsure what all the fuss was about, I guess if you're into that kinda thing they might be good, clearly Australia thinks they are. We decided to see who was on at the other stage, unfortunately it was another dance act. We did however feel a bit sorry for them as they had a crowd of about twenty people as pretty much the entire festival was at RuFus. They had even drawn the RuFus logo on a bed sheet in marker pen and hung it over their decks to try and sway punters.

We met up with Zoe and Danny and rocked out to a classic band from the Snobs era Bloc Party. They put on an epic set and even played some classics from the first album. We decided to get deep into the crowd and join the party. 

It seemed odd waking up to 40degree temperatures on New Year's Eve. We spent the morning wondering about the arena. After a couple of breakfasts and a coffee we felt more ready for the day ahead. We checked out another cabaret act in the village area. This one was called Tina Del Twist. A drag act who sung and toyed with the audience. It was really funny and luckily she/he didn't pick on us. Still in the mood for a laugh we watched a few more comedy acts over in the big top. Adam Rozenbachs, Becky Lucas and Nazeem Hussain. They were all pretty good not as funny as the day before, however Nazeem took a bit of racist heckling which was sad to see. He dealt with it well and when a lad in the crowd shouted "Shut up dickhead" to the heckler the audience exploded in applause. Still having a chat with some of the Australians we have met has been an eye opening conversation. Luckily it seemed most of the audience had a brain. 

We chilled in the shade for a bit and watched a few more acts come and go on the main stage. Kurt Vile & The Violators were up next. Iv'e been listening to this guy a lot recently but was surprised when he came on to see how young he looked. That's when you caught a glimpse of Kurt's face under his mass of black hair resembling what slash must have looked like before the drugs. Talking of Slash, I just found out Guns & Roses are reforming for this years Coachella festival in California! Helen skipped off early to watch a band called Borns on the other stage. I joined her midway through. They too put on a great show and I was a bit gutted to have missed the start.

Back on the main stage another Snobs classic band, the Maccabees were kicking off. Some how Helen said they had completely passed her by and can't have been that big in Leeds. I checked this with Hany a day later who had flown over to meet her friend in Melbourne. When Helen asked her if she knew who the Maccabees were Hany's response was "Helen do you know who the Beatles are". A fair amount of ridicule followed. They played all their classics but obviously like Helen they passed Australia by too as the crowd was fairly thin. They were followed by a band called Birds of Tokyo. Who firstly are not birds, or bird enthusiasts as you may be lead to believe, secondly they are from Perth. Either way they played a blinding set with loads of catchy Indy rock and roll tunes. The next few bands into the evening all got a bit electronic so we killed a few hours with beer and food.

We went back to the van to grab some warmer close for the evening and subsequently had a drink with the guys next to us which ended with us climbing onto the roof of Vanwell to watch the sun set on 2015.

We went to our faithful meeting spot in front of the soundstage to watch Foals to take us into 2016. Unfortunately unlike most festivals and New Year parties, Ed, Jamie and Jamie were not there to meet us. They kicked off with some old classics and before we knew it the whole festival was counting down to New Year. After a massive cheer it was all over and Foals played their final track. It was all over quite quick. No fire works surprisingly. We were not sure if it was because they couldn't have been set up in time from when the festival moved or if it was due to the bush fire threat. Django Django came on shortly after which we watched from further up the hill with a few beers. The night gets pretty hazy at this point.

New Years Day morning: operation 'get out before everyone else'. We awoke fairly early and decided to make a quick exit. Most people were up dismantling their villages so at the moment our path to the exit was clear, however very soon it would be a 3D traffic Jam. We packed up in no time, said our goodbyes to the people around us and made wheeling for the exit. 

The journey back to Melbourne was really rather easy. The threat of having police cars stationed at every route out of the festival ready to breathalyze every car driving away from the festival didn't materialise, but Helen had drunk mostly water the day before as it was so hot so she was probably fine to drive.

As is the case after every long festival, the first shower felt like a religious experience. The dirty water that came off my feet was extreme. We collected our bits and bobs that we'd left at Lauren's then drove up to Brunswick Street to meet up with Hany! Hany is one of our favourites back in London and she is in Australia for a month staying with a friend in Melbourne, then moving around to see other bits of Aus too. In fact she'll be in Sydney next weekend which coincides with The Flaming Lips playing a free gig... Good timing Hany. We went out for a very posh brunch, all of us a little worse for wear after New Year's Eve. We reminisced on our London days, talked about our trip and Hany's amazing Pickled Plates achievements. We all burst out laughing when we watched the outtake from our Christmas Eve video.

All too soon it was time for us to get on the road and make a start on our colossal 9 hour drive back to Sydney. We drove for 2 hours before finding an idyllic place to pull over and stay the night. We got a spot next to the lake, and listened to the deafening calls of cockatoos and several other species of birds before calling it a day at 9.30pm.

The next day involved a massive 7 hour drive back to Sydney and an equally massive sheep. The road was pretty straight and pretty uneventful and we swapped every 200km however we did turn off to fill up the van only to be greeted with a two or three storey Marino sheep, with one storey high BALLS. Obviously we had a photo taken then carried on trucking back home, leaving us with Sunday to recover before we both head to work on Monday... For Helen the first time in 10 months!

When we returned, there was a big red box waiting for us on the step, addressed to Will, Helen and Vanny. Even though we are on the other side of the world my mates Jamie1, Jamie2 & Ed had sent us a box choc-a-bloc with English chocolate that is allowed to melt and tastes nice. As well as chocolate it was full of other delights we can't get out here! Cheers guys you're are the best ! Merry Xmas & Happy New Year !